Figures
by brandy mallory
Summary: storys from the figure book himself, yuanxkratos chapt4, not the best, my first fanfic, [not yet finished] mithxgen, zelxllo comin up! [chappy 7 up!]
1. introduction

((i do not own tales of symphonia or namco or anything, this goes 4 all chapters and such,))

* * *

This is the story of a book.

A magical and mystic book.

A book that contains so much power-oh who am I kidding.

I have no power what so ever…

I'm the figure book,

Remember? Lloyd and friends got me back in Asgard?

You take me and some pellets to Dirk and he makes cute little figures of all the people?

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

Umm, yes…

That's me,

I'm a book,

…

Ok now stop looking at me like that!

Books have brains!

Or at least I do!

So anyways this is my story.

Well it's not "a" story.

More of a collection actually…

There's this cute part between Yua-

Actually I'll just let you read on…


	2. ditzy girl

Ditzy girl…

"Oh look! Dolls!" Colette squealed as she picked me up and emptied my contents.

/Figures/ I thought inside my little book brain/They are figures! Not dolls you stupid blonde/

Of course she couldn't hear that due to my being a book and all…

"I love dolls!" she looked expectantly at Lloyd, who quickly made up some excuse about being out of hair gel and going to the market to get some.

"Oh well! More dolls for me!"

/FIGURES YOU DUMB GIRL/

Colette picked up Elf Women 1 takes one Super pellet and Man 1 (Flanoir) one Pellet. Strange choices, I truly expected her to pick up the Unicorn pellet and start playing pony.

"Lets be friends!" Elf Women 1 said, in a cheesy you-could-tell-it-was-Colette voice.

"Oh yes, I like friends" Man 1 (Flanoir) said back.

And suddenly Half Elf Old Women super appeared, "Can I be you're friend?"

Man 1: "of course!"

Elf Women 1: "you're no different than us!"

Now this is all nice and non-discrimination-ish, and all. But her voice is so FREAKING ANNOYING. And her basic plot line is so lame. And that dialog could really use a good thesaurus.

And you can imagine my headache after a good half hour of this.

"YAY! More friends!" Colette picked up even more dol- FIGURES (help! She's brain washing me!) and added them to her annoying little "happy group of people who are happy and all love each other." Does this girl have no life or something?

At one point of this horrible nightmare I like to call "MAKE HER STOP PLEASE MAKE HER STOP!" Raine walked in. Of course, she has legs so she made a quick escape the second she could, seeing as Colette was having a wedding for the Cat pellet and the Bush Baby super.

"Duh duh duh nuh, duh duh duh nuh,"

/Why goddess Martel? Why me? Was I a bad person in my former life? Did I sell drugs to children or something/

/Well at least things couldn't get worse…/

"OH LOOK! A PONY!"

/I stand corrected…/


	3. hunnies and his Speedo

((nfa: hello hello, i haven't updated this in sum time. zelos is, how shall i put it, really fruity in sum parts, ur warned. oh and thanks for reviewing, and everything, yxk is next chap, or the one after it. i do not own tales of symphonia, but i have a really nice pen!))

* * *

Hunnies and his Speedo

I was trying to get some sleep.

I mean we books do need sleep, we can't stay awake 24/7.

I can't stay awake 24/7…

So it was night and dark and all the other things that night brings. And I had just said my little book prayers and tucked myself in for some sweet dreams of bookie dreamland.

But of course nothing ever goes good for me.

I heard the door to the main room of the inn open and shut. A lamp was lit and my little book senses saw a certain redheaded chosen approach.

/Oh joy, I've been woken by a gay moron…/

On the plus side it wasn't Colette…

He didn't really notice me for a bit, and I was hoping he wouldn't. But of course he was soon drawn to the idea of dolls. I'm not sure what it is but I seem to draw idiots. Maybe it's something to do with pheromones. Or that selling drugs to children thing I'd most probably done in my past life.

"Hee hee," He quickly grabbed his figure (the one with the Speedo, **twitch**), "Handsome devil now aren't ya?"

Next he gathered up every single women figure I had. A good 50 or so, I mean, there are a lot of women figures. Too many, I sometimes think. See, books do have genders believe it or not. I'm male.

Anyways, Zelos had gathered all the women figures around his, making them say cheesy things like "Oh Zelos, how would I ever live without you?" and "Just look at how manly you are" oh and my personal unfavorite "Just take me now, you hunk!"

Ok now this may be a little bold, but I liked Colette better, at least she didn't flirt with them…

I personally think Zelos tries to hard. I mean it's obvious he's gay. Pink clothes, purple Speedo, the constant flirting with girls. Not to mention the girly hair and the obsession with his looks. Is anyone seeing the connection here? For Martel's sake, I'm a book and I can tell.

So I zoned out, not really wanting to hear the psychobabble of this Chosen, (hell, I don't really want to hear the psychobabble of either Chosen) and started to think of possible ways to serve pineapple pudding. I'd thought of forty six (in a bowl, in a martini glass, with curry, in a cup, in a plastic pudding dish, in a tray, with rice, by licking it off a hot women's/man's chest, with a spoon, with a knife, with a fork, with a spork, with your fingers, as a dipping sauce, as an appetizer, as a desert, as the main course, on top of actual pineapple pieces, with vanilla ice cream and a cherry on top, in the morning, in the afternoon, at midnight, on the ocean, near a tree, with a sock, on a Rheiard, as brunch, in a psychiatric ward, while giving birth, as a centerpiece, with chips, with birthday cake, cold, hot, warm, frozen, in a milkshake, on safari, with a spray bottle, with a needle, as icing, with candy, in a potion, in a measuring cup, by a stable and with beer) before Zelos said something that threw me off completely.

"Oh Dirk, how can I hold in these feelings I have for you?" the Chosen said, starting at Dirk's figure longingly.

/WHAT? HUH/

I knew he was that way but DIRK? Zelos, the "Almighty Chosen" had a crush on his friend's adoptive father?

I fainted, and when I came to, Zelos was back in his room, leaving me to be emotionally scarred for the rest of my life.


	4. hot chocolate anyone?

((notes from brandy: yes peoples its yuan kratos time. while i had another chapter planned to come first i desided that due to people asking and that picket line Miss Featherwings a.k.a Seraphim Rhapsody has started (i surrender!) /waves white flag made of yuans underwear/ and have desided to give you the damn chapter /sighs/ thanx you all for reviewing, and there will be more kxy in this story. i promise. no lemons this time, sorry. but u can IMAGINE one if u really have time on ur hands.

i do not own tales of symphonia or anything of the sort, just to remind u all,))

* * *

A couple weeks had past since the Zelos incident and everyone had pretty much left me alone (thank Martel).

The group had decided to break into the Renegade base, something about wanting retards, or sumthin like that. The whole joint was rather boring. All those stupid laser thingies and passwords (which Lloyd managed to forget a totally of six times. Seriously, he forgot six bloody times.

Time number one: "Umm, you wanted me to remember the codes?"

Time number two: "Purple monkey dishwasher?"

Time number three: "Pass codes? Oh right! No I don't remember…Ouch."

Time number four: "Something, uh, yellow, and mana, and meat! Meat meat and the meat, meat! More meat, meat. MEAT."

(Seriously, you'd think they'd assign someone else by this point…)

Time number five: "I. P. Freely and I confesses my undying love for zel- I mean, zebras…."

Time number six: "Hi I'd like a cheeseburger, no cheese and no burger and some fries. But I don't want the fries cooked; I want them in potato form. And I guess I'll have a glass of ice water, no ice. Oh and no water. I just want the cup or bottle, which ever your ice water comes in. Oh and can I have a kids meal toy? The girls one, not the boys…"

Ever seen a boy get smacked by a white haired half elf six times? Well I have!)

So I did one of my famous 101 ways to fight of boredom. (All mentioned in my new book: The Life Of A Murderous Penguin, which will be in stores this fall! Only 1699 Gald. Certain conditions may apply, book not readable by humans and may or may not be real.)

Number 57: Pretend to be a carrot.

So I was just trying to seem all orange and long and pointy like, thinking carrot thoughts like: "I am carrot, hear me cook." Or "It's ok to be orange. Turnips love me just the way I am." And things along those lines, when I suddenly fell out of the bag I had been carefully placed in. Ok so I hadn't been CAREFULLY placed in it, more like thrown in as the group made a mad dash out of the inn. (Lloyd managed to clog the toilet, again.)

I sat there for some time. Watching random Renegades do random stuff, (mostly wander aimlessly) until a wonderful man with spiky black hair rescued me. I think his name was Boat, or Car or something along those lines. He took me to his boss, a very pissed off looking aqua haired angel. The conversation went something like this:

"Lord Yuan, I found something those brats left behind!"

"Oh! Is it sesame snaps?" Yuan's eyes seemed to sparkle abnormally.

"Uh, no sir. It's a book. With figures."

"Damn you! I WANTED SESAME SNAPS"

At this point Boat ran from the room in search of sesame snaps, leaving me on the desk. Yuan sat down, rubbing his temples and sipping on some randomly placed hot chocolate. He sat there for a moment, and then pulled me in front of him.

"Cute," he muttered, picking up his figure and making it walk across the desk, "Hmm, I wonder if…" He looked through all the figures, stopping at Kratos' and sitting it beside his.

"What a cute couple," he said softly and moved the figures around to talk to each other.

Tiny Kratos: "Hello Yuan."

Tiny Yuan: "Hello Kratos. Can I tell you something?"

T.K.: "Well of course Yuan, you can tell me anything."

T.Y.: "I love you Kratos and I want to make hot passionate love to you!"

Me/Yuan? Strange, I'd never thought of that before… I guess you do have the hair and the slightly girly look to you…/

T.K.: "Me too!"

He then proceeded to make them kiss and… umm… become very close.

There was a hiss of air as the door opened.

"Just leave the snaps on the desk." Yuan said shortly, concentrating very hard on his "work".

"Snaps? What the hell are you talking about?" came the reply.

Yuan looked up to see Kratos standing in the doorway, looking back and forth from the figures in Yuan's hands to Yuan's steadily reddening face.

He quickly tried to hide the figures behind his back but Kratos crossed the room in two strides and grabbed them away.

"Yuan, what exactly were you doing with these dolls?"

And I guess about now Yuan thought he really had nothing to lose so he stood up and grabbed Kratos, pulling him close, "Here, let me show you."

And with that he kissed Kratos hard on the lips. And Kratos must have enjoyed it, cause the next thing I know he has Yuan on top of the desk.

/Hey! Stop that! You guys are squishing me! Stop it you people! You're going get me all wet and sticky/

Get your minds out of the gutter; Kratos was coming dangerously close to knocking over Yuan's hot chocolate.

* * *

((r&r please! oh yeah, presents/hands out packets of kechup chips/ i hate kechup chips, but someone must like them...

inteseting facts: T.K. andTy were both guys off the 1st session on digimon. strange...and the cheese burger with no cheese and no burger thing, i've done that once!))


	5. dicso fever

((notes from me: hello people of random ness. i figured it was about time i updated. sorry about the wait, i've been working on The True Angels instead, cause well, i get to kill people in it... and anyway... /looks at prevoius reviews:

miss featherwing: just wait, i have more planned. i already have two yuanxkratos fics, i want this one to have more than them. now that u mention it, it did seem kind of like a metaphor. or a simile... one of the two. oh gosh my mind just opened up to a word of possiblites...

meowzy-chan: i take what reviews i can get (and i LOVE ur livejournal pic, the one with yuan and krattie all tied up in the nightgown thinger)

nife: all is now revealed1

thanx 4 reviewing/hands out rest of black cherry soda/.

i don't own "stayin' alive"...))

* * *

We were at some dwarfs place. Altessa, yeah that was his name. It had been another rather dull weak for me, after being returned to Lloyds group by Boat.

I was just thinking of having a little afternoon nap, (I was still very tired, having spent the previous week at Yuan's place, where him and Kratos had tendencies to be very noisy all night long. Adding that to the fact Boat also likes playing with figures when I'm trying to nap…) when Genis and that boy Mithos (who I must say, I totally thought was a girl at first. In fact he kind of looks an awfully lot like Colette) walked in, speaking rather loudly.

"So the whole thing was because someone slipped love potion into Raine's beef stew?" Mithos asked Genis, staring at him with a very… ummm… fond look.

"Yup, and since Zelos was the only one stupid enough to eat the stuff he fell in love with the first person he saw!" came the white haired boys reply.

"Which was Dirk!"

Genis nodded and both the boys started laughing. Mithos seemed to snort a few times; in fact it was quite disturbing for my part.

The white haired one looked at me then at the blonde, "Here, I'll show you something cool!" he said between laughs, opening me up and grabbing the Yggdrasill figure.

All laughter left Mithos as he sat down beside Genis, "What? Oh yeah, isn't that that Yggdrasill guy? He looks kind of cool. And so hansom in that outfit!"

Genis snorted, "Yeah, maybe if he was going to a disco." Mithos seemed to clench his fists a bit; did he not like disco or something?

Genis broke into song, making the figure dance along, crappy disco style!

"Now who got the fever for the flav' (Yggy doll dances)

who can dig da way that I flex on a track (Yggy doll runs around in a circle)

I'm causin' rampage (Yggy doll jumps up and down dramatically)

Ricky Rick on point wid da 9-5 style from ma lips (Mithos looks at Genis with disgust)

they'll be rollin' da mad joints (Genis ignores Mithos)

So put ya hands in da air (Yggy dolls waves hands in air)

coz there's a party over here

So grab yourself a beer and we can get da fever on (Mithos clutches fists)

I'm wid it so let me put my big brown beaver on

I'm comin' wid da disco (Yggy doll spins on head)

I can flip so

I'm a drop the solo tip (brandy Mallory promptly spills Black Cherry soda all over her keyboard)

Somethin' for da honeys in da crowd

lend me yar ear so I can turn the party out

til tomorrow afternoon (Yggy doll is still dancing overly dramatic moves)

cuz when I grips ma steel no one leaves da room

so tell can you feel the mad skills

comin' wid da fever fever fever (Mithos knuckles turn a nice shade of off white)

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive (classic stayin' alive disco move)

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah-ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

Step to the side (sidestep)

You'd better run and hide (spins)

Move to the side (moon walks)

Everybody wants to stay alive

And It continued along this path until:

Everybody in da house come on an let me hear ya say oh ho

(OH HO) (Random spin on head)

Everybody in da house come on an let me hear ya say ho ho

(HO HO) (the worm)

Everybody in da house come on an let me hear ya say oh ho

(OH HO) (Mithos restrains himself from clubbing Genis with a frying pan)

Everybody in da house come on an let me hear ya say ho ho ho

(HO HO HO)

Its about time everybody in da house (more random disco moves)

bust a move to ma vicious raw rhymes

Ricky Rick on a tip wid ma boys

bringin' disco noise as I drop da wickedness

gettin' sharp wid da flow (frying pan comes dangerous close to Genis head)

we took a Bee Gees loop and broke it down like Lego

a disco lick that deeper

cuz we gotta get wid da fever, fever, fever (Yggy doll strikes pose and mithos looks close to tears)"

"Genis, can you come here a minute?" Raine's voice came from the other room. (Thank Goddess)

Genis tore out of the room. Mithos just sat there before picking up Genis' Katz Katz Katz figure.

"I'll show you who can disco," he growled.

"Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive (Genis figure dances wildly)

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive (Mithos giggles creepily)

Ah-ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive (Genis figure does the slits)

Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive (mithos snorts)"

Oh why won't it stop?

* * *

((sorry bout how the lyrics spaced out, i was actaully gonna do more of them, like the whole song, but i didn't realise how many there were. i aslo did not know THOSE were the actaully lyricsss, i had to look them up...)) 


	6. little chilly in here

((A/N: well yeah, took me long enough to update..so reviews i've been doing directly, if i haven't replied, well its cause i'm lazy. but thanx for them, i LOVE reviews. this chappy starts with a little blip. hope u enjoy.

i do not own panic at the disco, good charlotte or fall out boy))

* * *

From the diary of the Figure Book

Entry 1

Dear Diary,

I don't get it. I mean what does she see in him? He's just a stupid Collectors Book, full of boring nothingness. I mean, the gang doesn't even look at him unless they are so drastically bored that they'd stab out their own eyeballs for a thrill. Or when they're trying to get that title for Genis…

Oh Monster List, why doesn't she notice me? I'm ever so cool! And we have a lot of the same people in our pages!

I guess we just aren't meant to be…

Whatever, when my book (The Life Of A Murderous Penguin) comes out and I'm so rich I'm rolling in paper, SHE'LL REGRET NOT SEEING ME!

Depressed,

The Figure Book.

* * *

It was very boring in Celsius's temple.

And cold, it is very, super cold. My pages almost froze.

So they, they being the group of dumb people, were trying to get across this big pond of frozen ice. Why did they even freeze the damn ice? Why didn't they just use their little boat thingy? Isn't it still in their wing pack thinger? Basically unused?

Course, once again I was not packed very well. See Raine made Beef Stew. Why she even tries I still don't know. Anyway, most everyone flashed it instead of risking certain death. So in short the plumbing backed up and we didn't have enough Gald (Zelos spent it all on Strawberry Rose shampoo,) so we left in a hurry.

So the second we got on the ice I fell out and slid all the way to the other side. (YAY I win! Take that Lloyd! First one to the other side!) Not a horrible thing, I mean, they'd find me sooner or later. Course with Lloyd's lack of brains in solving puzzles it might be much, much later.

But remember how I always say weird people seem to pick me up?

Yeah. Celsius picked me up. As in the Summon Spirit of Ice was just taking a walk around her temple and saw me.

How often does something like that happen? Never!

But me, I'm special.

So Celsius took me to her room. I know, I thought all Summon Spirits lived in their little throne rooms, but they don't. Cels lived in this real nice, bubblegum-teenager-pop-rock-yet-classical room. With a four-poster bed, and pictures of all the coolest Tethe'allaian bands (Good Sybakk, Fall Out Elf, Panic At the Temple). I was truly amazed.

Cels is one cool chick, even though she did play with my figures… Well one figure. And she really didn't play with it; more of just look at it and sigh. One of those cute teenage crush moments. Except she's not really a teenager…

She gazed at the red, devil like Summon Spirit, "Oh why do we have to be so different? Why can't you just realize I like you?"

Oh, that's so sweet. I know just how she feels… Sob…

"Stupid men!" She snapped the figure in half.

Not that I blame her or anything, but that was a very expensive figure. It's ok, snapped can be glued.

Cels then placed the broken figure on the ground and stomped on it.

But that can't be glued… I hope she's planning on paying for damages.

* * *

((review please!)) 


	7. teth trio part 1

((A/N: Hello, I haven't updated this in a very long time. My last chapter was complete crap. Anyway, I like this chapter. Still very short. Sorry.

Also: I am running out of ideas so: I'd like anyone reading to send me what THEY'D do with the figures! Just tell me what you do and say, and I'll add in the figure books commentary. Easy as pie. Though I've never made pie. If you feel up to it just send me a private message or email! Thanks for reading

I don't own TOS or Sailor Moon))

* * *

I can't believe I had to live through another Zelos trauma.

I was doing my normal routine, being a book, sleeping, ect ect. When, low and behold, I was attacked, ok not attacked, more like abused, by evil Zelos Wilder.

Sob…

First off Zelos picked four figures. That's all, four.

Sheena, Zelos, Presea and Regal. All in normal costumes of course.

But of course, I knew it couldn't stay normal for long.

Show Time!

Strange flashing background appears from nowhere

"Once, there was a great super team of super good guys and their super goodness!"

(Wow, does this guy write his own stuff?)

"They traveled far and wide, fighting off the evilness of the evil NoactionforZelos Man!"

(NoactionforZelos Man? Evilness? Wide?)

"They were called, The Teth Trio! With:"

Zelos held but the Regal figure, which he had carefully put a tiny mask on.

"The Handcuff Kid! Super Disco Dancer!"

The Regal figure did some impressive disco moves.

"And:"

He held up the Presea figure, which wore a tiny red cape.

"The Pig Tail Princess! Trained in the Arts of hairstyling!"

The Presea, I mean Pig Tail Princess Figure, was handed a tiny blow dyer which she used to chase after the Handcuff Kid.

"And of course, who could forget:"

The Sheena figure appeared, dressed in a skimpy superhero outfit that left nothing to the imagination.

"She Fu! The Demonic Banshee on the side of good!"

The Sheena figure didn't do anything; I guess looks were her special talent…

"And their leader!"

The trippy flashing background went crazy as (almost had a seizure) the Zelos figure popped out, complete with a tux, top hat, rose and one of those eye masks. Making him a total Tuxedo Mask rip off.

"Super Zelos! The Hot and Hunky Girl Magnet Guy!"

Cue wild applause.

"Together they make: The Teth Trio!"

(Does this guy not know how to count?)

* * *

((also I'm having trouble naming my new kittens, any ideas?

I'm planning on continuing the Teth Trio theme next chapter. So review!))


End file.
